is this really happening? [entries|friends|calendar] sarahbear [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(smack my ass) really really long time ... might rant... [26 Aug 2008|10:07am] Wow .. It has been almost 2 years since I updated. Is that how long 98 weeks is? Who knows. I have been through ... a lot. I have a husband. I have a son. I love my life. Finally. I have everything I ever thought I would have at age 24. The other day I started thinking about things I would like to do before I turn 30. Here goes my list. 1)Learn how to sew - so I can make clothes for my kid(s) (yes, I have a stepdaughter, too!) 2)Visit Japan. (Hopefully with my mom for her 50th! 2 years!) 3)Have another baby! 4)Buy a new house with some acreage and a fenced in yard 5)Get lost in the woods for a week straight:)

(smack my ass) [04 Oct 2006|02:00pm] dear richmond, stop being so fucking small. i do not care that you still have a shitty job and drink too much. when i grow up, i might be happy here. but until then i'm gonna curse your name with every breath i take. you fucking ruined me. and you smell like uriny rotten vagina. love, sarah dear fake "cool bus", why are you in my dream? why was that so realistic? and how come my gas cap was open? wait, i can't ask you for all the answers. you are the answer to everything. regards, *sarah* it really was a cool bus.

(smack my ass) make sure nobody can hear you.... [16 Sep 2006|05:32pm] [ mood | morose ] is there really a reason for me to be this vindictive? i smell like motor oil and cucumber melon. yum. the past few weeks have been so weird. drama, disappointment, dishonesty, heartache and a whole lotta what-the-fuck. i wish there was a pill you could give someone to make them grow up, just a little bit. there's no reason why you shouldn't call somebody that means (or even MEANT) so much to you. if you, at any point in your life, think that you can't live without somebody ... fucking pick up the phone and say hello once in a while. i cannot stand to sit back and watch this happen to somebody that i love so much. it's so hard to say "you're killing yourself, you're hurting your family, and you're putting your CHILD in danger." well, i guess it's not hard to say, just making it stick is the tough part. and another thing, as much shit as i got for dating him, being his friend, or even associating with him... i really miss the shit outta ben. for some reason, somebody who's just a little more depressed than you are makes you feel a LOT better about yourself. i went to MCV yesterday, and ended up lost on the floor i went to with him when he got hit. dumb bitch told me to go to the 2nd floor, i was suppossed to be on the 5th! i guess what i've learned is ... sometimes ... black women are wrong. very wrong. we did look cute together, though ...

(smack my ass) when you wish upon a star ... [12 Sep 2006|11:57am] most of the time, when i see those little dots of light twinkling around in the night sky... i wish i could go back ... 5 seconds, 5 months, 5 years ... and take it back. all of it. turn everything i've said and done around 180 degrees. this was not meant to happen. these words were never meant to be said.

(smack my ass) it's official. [11 Sep 2006|02:08pm] the rest of the world wants me to have a job. just the part i live in, doesn't. if i had a bigger knife ... if i had a smaller will. stones get thrown in all directions ... but they always seem to find a way to hit me while i'm down. i used to write letters, and never send them ... now i wish i had. fuck you for not caring about what's happening in my head. you're the one that made me this way. it's ok to answer yourself. only if nobody is looking. the past two weeks have been torture on every element of my mind, body and soul. i have no job i have no best friend i have no boyfriend i have a car i have a dog i have a bottle of vodka

(smack my ass) [20 Jul 2006|03:53am] awww, i love him!!! i just read some cuteness and some gayness and i realized that i did way too many drugs in the past 5 years. i don't remember shit. and i love him. god its so late ...

(smack my ass) and its catastrophic [10 Jul 2006|05:04pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | the wind in the trees ] this weekend was hella fun.... friday i got to hang out with ben all day and be a bitch to him while i was making dinner ... i thought i was gonna cry but i didn't, and it ended up working out to where we talked about what i was pissed about and he hasn't said a word about it since... i went to volunteer at the goochland rural market on saturday morning, had to get there at 7am... was there all day talking to random people and eating yummmmy scones. after that was over at noon james and i went to price out washing machines, and kitchen appliances. our washer broke so we have to get a new one ASAP ... i'm already washin my knickers out in the sink! and we're redoing our kitchen so we get to buy a bunch of new SWEET stuff like wine chillers, a sub zero fridge, an ice maker and and and we're finally getting a WET BAR!! HOOOOOOO!!! expect massively wild party at the farm when all is complete. bring a sleeping bag. so i get home and get this phone call from ashby bein all like "dude i need you to come hang out tonight i'm going nuts" so i have to go hang out with ashby, who just broke up with his girlfriend of almost 2 years. and alex came over so of course all of us are using our time together wisely, and getting right to six foot bong hits and a case of PBR. i passed out on ashby's couch while trying unsuccessfully to convince ben to let me sleep over his house. i was too wasted to even talk, which i guess is why he never figured out where the fuck i was ... so regan picked me up at ashby's in the morning, and we went to michaels and bought some hemp and glass beads and i've been twisting necklaces since then... drama with granny gena wasn't too much fun but i left at like 8 with ben, so i didn't have to hear any yelling :) had a pretty good time with ben, he's fucking amazingly sweet to me. i've never been with a guy who ignores the rest of the world so much as he does around me. i've never seen a smile look so genuine. <3 today has been full of a whole lot of nothing but driving mom around, smoking weed and making more necklaces. my mom wants one. heheh :) now. i'm off to wasted-land

(smack my ass) [03 Jul 2006|02:32pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | silence... golden silence ] baaaaah i wish this wasn't so retardedly painful. i wish i didn't have to make a shitty face every time i thought about it. i wish you didn't talk so much sometimes. i wish you didn't think i was a dork ;) on the other hand, i don't need to wish for the greatest guy, ever. i've already got him ... and ... pretty soon he'll forget about all them hoes.

(smack my ass) who says that? [30 Jun 2006|12:02am] [ mood | contemplative ] "i wanna hear you tell me you love me." such. a. dork. but, then again. my favorite one from him is better. "this is such a livejournal moment."

(smack my ass) pinch me. [27 May 2006|06:53pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | new found glory - the goodbye song ] i'm still not sure i'm not dreaming. i have been compiling a list of things that would not have happened if i had not moved to florida. and moved back. so far i can only think of one. the events of the night previous to this one would have occured on a completely different plane of existence. i dunno what i'm beating around. you know what i'm talking about. that was fucking awesome. awesome fucking. you're fucking awesome. you know how to do some awesome fucking. let's do it again sometime. at least we know there's no way we can ruin our friendship now, huh?

(1 smack | smack my ass) [23 Nov 2004|11:56pm] [ mood | listless ] [ music | venture bros ] crazy weekend ... jacquie came into town last thursday. we started her vacation with plans to have a few at hollyhood ale house ... ended up stumbling out a few hours later ... dan, janna, jacquie and i were supossed to make it to shenanigans with a few cats from work, but i couldn't talk let alone walk straight by the time we were done at the stale. dan brought us home and left again with a girl from work .. brought her back home... haha... tons of wisecracks from alan and bill on friday when they came in after work to see me. "how's it goin, drunkard." i told them the hilarious story about me standing up in the stall to pull my pants up and smacking my face into the wall... fat lip ... good times. friday i had to work, so jacko went to sobe with janna... she met "the hottest guy in the world" outside the versace mansion. got his number and never called him ... saturday we went all over looking for a bathing suit. my sister apparently thinks its a good idea to go on vacation without a bathing suit or a phone charger. dumbass. on to ft. lauderdale beach at las olas. ggggooooooooooodd times... lunch drinks at fat tuesdays ... a few more drinkies for the road (aka the beach) and laying out in swarms of people for a few hours. took pictures of this hot girl in a g-string ... met a guy from va beach ... blah blah blah ... after that, we drove to aventura to get jacko a phone charger from my buddy harper... ended up getting pulled over and arrested right in front of the t-mobile store harper works at. so, all plans to party down in south beach for gloria's birthday we null and void seeing as i had to spend the rest of the night *until 2am* at dade county jail. i almost got permanently locked in the holding cell at aventura police station because the damn cops couldn't open the cell. so, now i definitely have to get my car's registration and my license back in action. or i'm gonna take it up the butt when i show up to court. but the dade county jail was cool. being on lock down with two felonious mall theives, a fiance beater, and two chicks with bench warrents similar to mine ... one who's cousin had used her name and skipped court .. hah... good times. jacquie came to brunch at the simon's (robbie's parents) on sunday, pretty good times ... always good food .. cause it's free! :D the p's were interested in my arrest experience ... then back to seashore club to lay on the beach in the sun for about 3 minutes before it went behind the highrise next door. damn sunny isles and its 30 story buildings. we had time for one last humongous meal before she left monday afternoon ... steaks, mashed taters, artichokes, salad, peas and corn. oh mah gawt. in other news, peanut is growing faster than a bamboo forest. and is getting cuter and cuter every day. she thinks she's the 3rd member of rob and my relationship. we're not allowed to kiss each other without her being involved. tongue and all. that is all for now.

(smack my ass) [08 Oct 2004|10:42am] [ mood | sleepy ] ooooooooooooo i got my puppy on monday ... she's wonderifilous!! 3 month old 7 1/2lb jack russell ... sooo cute! i can't beleive how smart she is for a tiny little dog. she already fetches a ball, carries around her food bowl when she's hungry, knows where she lives and tries not to go in the house. she's been hanging out with rob when i'm at work most of the time, i dunno if he takes her out as much as i do, cause she doesn't really let us know when she has to go over there ... she's so small, it's hard to keep an eye on her to know when she has to tinkle. we went down to the beach twice at rob's yesterday ... she absolutely LOVED it... she chased around everything that was flying around, pooed in the sand (she doesn't like grass ... she's too short) and got knocked completely over with a wave. going to the vet later to drop some poo off, he thinks she might have a tapeworm... she also has a cold, but i have meds for her and its getting better. the humane society said it's not uncommon for dogs to get a cold while being there or soon after surgery, and she was stuck in the place for a whole week. i need to think of a name for her ... here's some i thought of that didn't get knocked off the list immediately fruit loop (her pound name) honey (hey, she responds ..) trixie (rob says it sounds slutty) sydney (old man name?) peanut (or, p-nut after 311's bassist) piglet (she snorts ..) time to make lunch and get ready for work ... baaaaaaaaah ... sooo tired from being woken up every 2 hours every night for the past week ...

(smack my ass) way too many posts today. [28 Sep 2004|07:58pm] [ mood | excited ] this was totally too important not to make a post about. i just found $50 in the pocket of a pair of pants i'm washing. the pants belong to rob, but the $50 belongs to me! i think i'm gonna convince him to split it with me, since he didn't notice he lost it for so long ... or at least make him take me out to dinner with it. heh :)

(smack my ass) missing richmond ... [28 Sep 2004|07:36pm] [ mood | numb ] bored ... waiting for robbie to come over ... he hasn't been to my house in like 2 weeks, so if he decides he's going home after dinner w/ the rents i'm gonna be dissappointed. i didn't spend an hour cleaning my house and all evening doing his laundry for nothing :P i've been kinda lonely, depressed and homesick lately. i really miss my family, my pets, my friends.... it's been over a year since i've seen some people ... and i only got to see some of my buds for a little while when i was back home in january. i really really feel like i need to go home and chill out for a few days very soon. i just wanna lay around at my parents house and raid their fridge and cuddle with the doggies and raven. go eat pho with my mom and my sister. have a really loud fight with jacquie about some bullshit that's unimportant. get dirty with james in the garage, fixing something that's been fixed twice this year. drive with the windows up and the radio blasting strike anywhere on my way down 64 east towards the city. i need to breathe a sigh of relief, like we all used to do, when i reach the city limits on broad street. sit on the bench at church hill and stare into the gray, damp, smelly city that i called home for over 15 years. my mom brought up a good point on the phone today ... if i get my pup this weekend, i probably won't be able to go out of town for a while. that would require leaving her with rob, who would probably do fine, but i don't want to just dump that responsibility on him right now. or she'd stay here with dan, and he'd let her piss and shit all over the house. i'm getting more depressed sitting here. listening to radiohead (kid A), the ernies (meson ray), portishead (live), and an emo mix with thursday, tguk, saves the day, and further seems forever. i wonder what i'm thinking sometimes with my music mixes i throw in the stereo. in a little while ... i'll be home ... the moment's already passed ... yet it's strong... and i'm not here ... this isn't happening .... i'm not here i didn't ever think i'd miss that fucking city this much. well, maybe i did. i still don't want to move back. i know that you're never leaving ... until your flight takes you off, and out of my arms ... and into the air ... so far from your charms, that i cannot bare ... another year... in this long forgotten beachtown we once shared i think there's only one more song i need to hear before i crawl into the fetal position and cry for the rest of the night. i need a hug.

(smack my ass) so good .. [28 Sep 2004|04:37pm] [ mood | hungry ] this weekend was chillin. only minor setbacks ... will explain. so good.... *hurricane party (a thousand different types of great beers, a huge bottle of pinot noir, and 5 kids and a mexican on lockdown at the beach and me cooking all weekend) *getting a puppy (cross fingers) on sunday. trying to adopt a 3 month old jack russell terrier from the humane society ... i have to wait until friday to see if somebody claims her, then she's getting fixed on saturday morning ... so i can pick her up saturday or sunday if all goes well. *overdrawing my bank account to pay my cell phone bill, and the second i turn it on my old roomate is calling me trying to get money from me. ass. too lazy to deposit money ... shitty.... *going to the doctor at 9am on saturday morning, what the hell is that. boo. *phone getting cut off. i think its gonna be back on in a little, but its annoying. *incubus is tonight, guess who's not going! it's erik's birthday, too ... screw being poor. *dano doesn't really want a puppy in the house, but i think he's gonna have to eat it and learn to like it. otherwise she'll just have to hide in my room and stay at rob's sometimes. i'm starving. i haven't eaten a meal since the weekend. must find sustinence.

(smack my ass) [09 Sep 2004|02:26pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | comedy central ] whoa. frances rocked south florida for the entirety of last weekend. i missed 3 days of work, and only worked one day this week (monday). we stocked up the fridge with some random food items, beer, soda and ice and sat around for the entire day thursday, friday and saturday. rob had to evacuate his apartment in sunny isles (right on the beach), so he came to stay here. we were outside on the porch (i guess it was saturday night) when a big gust of wind came and blew the roof off of a trailer in the park next to my apartment. it was flapping and crumbling around in the wind all night long, pretty nuts. everybody else had hurricane shutters up, tape on their windows, yadda yadda yadda, and we rode out the entire storm with sliding door to our porch wide open to the world :) thursday rob and i went surfing in his back yard. rob caught one wave, and i got smacked around by about 1000 of them trying to paddle out in 5 foot swells. hopefully next week we'll get to go out again and i can look like less of a jackass in the water. dano was involved in a wild party on sunday. all 4 apartments on our floor were crazy, apparently. i missed it all cause i was at robbie's ... i came home to a huge mess, beer bottles EVERYWHERE, a stereo that wasn't mine, and a broken bedroom door. not exactly broken, but it makes a loud noise when i close it. dan still hasn't really cleaned up .... boo. so, now ivan is supposedly coming this way, maybe. hopefully it will keep its speed up and not come until monday, because i really can't afford to miss another entire weekend of work. my apartment can't stand another weekend of 3 slobs sitting on the couch for 72 hours straight. at least my car is still filled up with gas from last week ... there was a total run on gas ... most stations in the area ran out at various times on thursday and friday. rob almost ran out of gas in his truck one morning, we were driving around for almost an hour looking for a station that had gas.... the meter on the truck said he had 0 miles till empty when we finally pulled up to a station that HAD gas, a 20 minute wait for a pump, and a $20 maximum fill up. people are seriously crazy about this shit down here. yeah, and hanging out with rob has become more intense than originally projected by me ... the past month has gone from hanging out every day or every other day and "wow, this guy really thinks i'm great." to hanging out every spare minute of the day and "wow, falling falling falling" my inhibitions about breaking his heart are slowly going away, i guess now because i really don't want to and don't think he'll let me. never been treated like this by anybody. never laughed and joked so hard before. never been forced to meet the parents with no prior warning and a bob marley shirt on. my car needs to go to the shop for about an hour, and i need to give it a good cleaning, so i must go shower and take care of some business before 4! oh no! that's not very long.... football season starts tonight ... wooo ... how excited am i? not very. it just means more annoying people at work and more messy boys in my living room.

(smack my ass) if you shake your fist at something long enough, it'll go away. [17 Aug 2004|11:35am] [ mood | chipper ] yyeeeeeooooow!! i woke up about an hour ago, and now i'm "getting ready" to meet up with erik and rizzo to drive to pompano beach and go to the KORN LESS THAN JAKE THE USED LINKIN PARK AND SNOOP DAAAAAAWG show!! i'm shitting my pants with excitement. sunday was the final day on the lease of our old apartment ... i forced erik and rob to help me move. it worked out rather well, my new room is now full of things i never thought would be in my bedroom ... i now have a bed, a dresser, a computer table (that's huge and weighs 5,000lbs), a really big tv stand/stereo center, some end tables, and like 8 boxes full of crap. it feels soooooooooooo good to be able to sprawl out and sleep in my own bed. with 6 pillows and my fuzzy green blanket :) the hurricane didn't fuck with us this weekend... it rained really hard while we were out drinking the other night, but other than that it's been pretty much dry all weekend. except for 10 minutes while i was moving sunday ... work has been really fun this week ... i'm on the schedule next week for the bar in the mornings over the weekend ... hope i make some monies ... come on, erock, we're supppossed to bee ther in 2 hours! if i don't update for a while it means i broke both of my legs in some pit off in nowhereland. my armpits stink, really badly.

(1 smack | smack my ass) the deepest dream we have could be love [11 Aug 2004|08:19pm] what an afternoon ... i went to the mall to look for a shirt ... and i got sidetracked about 30 seconds after i walked inside. journey's has neat shoes. my contact lens fell out in the store. so i stumbled around the biggest mall in south florida with my contact lens in my hand, bumping into other people, trying to find an open bathroom. i finally found one like half an hour and 2 miles later. my poor contact was all hard and crinkly... but i finally got it back in my eyeball. i couldn't find a shirt, and i was starving from wandering around for so long. so, i got a pretzel and left. rob had the bright idea of looking in the little boys section at target for a shirt, and i found one! for $7.50!! it's not that ugly, either ... heh after that i went to the grocery store and got some jerk chicken marinade (AIYAYIAYAII!) and probably caused some solid damage with my runaway shopping cart that i so casually turned my back on ... rob was suppossed to be here like 45 minutes ago, who knows what the hell he's doing ... but erik's coming over, too ... so i won't be that bored for too long. oh yeah, i got super glue all over my fingers ... my thumb and index fingers got stuck together for a little bit. i just spent the last 20 minutes trying to get all the glue off my hand ...

(smack my ass) [11 Aug 2004|04:44pm] So, work was crazy fun yesterday .... I went in at 11:30am, and didn't go home until 12:30am. loooooooong day, but i had a break for about 1 1/2 hours between shifts. I ate, read the paper, drove around Oakland Park, and flirted with thechad. I think I'm growing a bit of a crush on him. Rob, Rod & Mitch came to visit me, they got pretty drunk and left me lots of money ... partly because they were confused and partly because they love me for bringing them breadsticks. I passed out so hard when I got home ... I could barely keep my eyes open through Futurama... Didn't wake up again until noon. Now I'm trying to decide whether to sit around here, watch the simpsons and do some laundry ... or go to the mall and go shopping. I have to buy a hawaiian shirt for work ... we have to wear it on the weekends ... I think shopping sounds like more fun. I was talking to reagan last night about the incident last week ... she laughed almost as hard as I did ... harder than ashby, even. crazy funny. I didn't tell her about me and erik's little secret. so embarassing. I was telling her about the situation with Rob, too ... she seems to agree that whatever happens, I'll probably end up breaking his heart. that kills me. I guess it doesn't help that we hang out almost every other day, he admits openly that he likes me, and i invite him over and make dinner for him ... but none of it's leading anywhere. there's a hurricane coming ... i hope it makes for a fun weekend ... i have to work every morning ... and i have to move the rest of my furniture by sunday ... fuck. who wants to go to the beach and watch the meteor shower with me tonight? we can drink wine coolers and play in the sand ... ooo, or how bout 151 pina coladas and making out under the lifeguard stand?

(2 smacks | smack my ass) [06 Aug 2004|07:34pm] I went to get my paychecks from shithole today. $190. down to $140 now, with groceries in the fridge and $20 in my pocket for gas. My last check was $42.40. Strangely, it made me feel better. it shoulda had two more cents. perfect sense. Next tuesday I start at the Friday's in Hollywood. Exciting! I get to work closer to my new house, and with E-ROCK! I have to wait tables for a week, cause some slack-ass lost my application, so they didn't call me to pick up this week for the bar. Whatever, that sucks. I have all day shifts, start at 11:30, out by 5 or 6. rock. At least I'll have a little bit of time to get used to the store and put a little cash in my bank account. 3 weeks to make $600. totally gonna do it. Korn, Linkin Park, and Less Than Jake the tuesday after next. Very. Very. Very. Excited. Nothing else has happened. Wednesday night was retardedly fun. I <3 cowshaped cats and being the only girl. Too bad I forgot about the amish people, but i get to watch them again tonight. erock+sky=soar. Sky's got a boat and a dock at his house, so he's gonna take me water skiing. i swear. Erik told me a secret today. He didn't know I already knew. But I didn't know that he knew that i didn't know. I know. He knows. BAD KITTY! Why did i all of a sudden decide to start capilalizing random letters? I never did that before. Rob's coming over. I made spaghettis. with sausage. Amish in 1 hour and 20 minutes.

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